IS BITTERNESS WORTH IT

A lot of times as humans’, people hurt us and before we know it bitterness sets in. The dictionary defines bitterness as a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill will. Simply put bitterness is anger and resentment embedded in malice, jealousy and all the other things that slow us down. I believe every single person deals with bitterness in some way because that’s just our flesh screaming out that we have been wronged. Especially among couples in marriage it can be so easy to breed bitterness and resentment, unfortunately the end result of bitterness generally and especially in marriage is disrespect.

Bitterness can be as a result of unfulfilled desire, a demand not meet, an insult poured out, an unfulfilled expectation and many more. Bitterness and resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. The more anger and resentment you hold on towards the past in your heart, the less likely you are of loving in the future and making progress. Holding unto anger, bitterness, and resentment only makes life more difficult for the one holding unto it. More importantly bitterness, resentment and anger only hurt one person, and it’s not the person we are resenting it’s us. Personally I have discovered that bitterness makes it difficult for one to differentiate between good and bad and also makes you over react even to the smallest offense. Bitterness also will affect our physical and mental health. One scripture that readily comes to mind is Ephesians 4 vs 31
                                KING JAMES VERSION
 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice

                           AMPLIFIED BIBLE
Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).

Personally I have discovered that the first step in dealing with bitterness is to find out the state of your heart and what is really happening there. Sometimes our bitterness stems from too much expectation on our part from the other person and a sense of entitlement. Reducing your sense of entitlement and expectation will go a long way in helping you deal with bitterness. Coming to the realization that the other person or maybe our spouse does not owe you anything will go a long way in helping you deal with bitterness. Furthermore knowing that how the other person treats you is a function of their values and who they are and that irrespective of who they are and how they are, they are not supposed to change you and your values, what you believe in and how you treat yourself and others.

Secondly to forgive and let go is the second step in dealing with bitterness and resentment. Jolene Engle in her article titled 3 things I do in marriage to combat bitterness said ‘I try so hard to let things go and not keep a record of wrong. Often times I have discovered that people are humans like us too and especially our spouses, who usually do not intentionally want to hurt us. They are just like us imperfect humans trying to figure out who and what from time to time’. Someone else said that ‘holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth’. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and lightness in your life and also gives you a reason to forge ahead in life  Another scripture that readily comes to mind is Ephesians 4 vs 32


                                    KING JAMES VERSION .
 And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.
                                  AMPLIFIED BIBLE 
  And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.

The third thing is to choose to show love to the other person no matter what and to believe that the other person can change for the better. This is by far the most difficult, because it’s so difficult to be kind and tender to someone who has hurt you in the past or someone who is hurting you at the moment. Someone said that ‘when we can lay down our fear and anger and choose responses other than aggression, we create the conditions for bringing out the best in us humans. Hope makes people good a lot of the time, you hope for a brighter future and resentment is outweighed’.

The unfortunate thing about bitterness is if you don’t deal with it, it will affect your relationships adversely and most likely also destroy you in the process. It’s your choice friends no one can force you to deal with all the bitterness, resentment and anger in your heart not for the sake of the other person but for your own sake, and benefit and most especially so that you can make headway in life. ’The choice of which part to take and what to do is yours no one can make it for you. I have been bitter too but the truth is there is no gain. You can let go though it’s difficult but it’s not impossible all you need to do is just to make up your mind.

Until our next post ‘REMAIN RAPTURABLE.’’


Reference 
Jolene Engle : 3 things i do in my marriage combat bitterness